COVEN. CALL. FIVE.
WITH AYESHA REYNOLDS & CHERIE HEALEY.
LISTEN: QUEEN NIGHT.
ABOUT AYESHA. Ayesha is a self proclaimed spark seeker. She has created a radical life for herself based on her empowering beliefs about life, LOVE, creativity, passion, adventure, and spirit! The c0- creator of the Girlfriend Manifesto & the creator of the Conscious Creator app, her passion is helping people live the biggest most juicy version of their lives via her coaching courses.
ABOUT Cherie Healey. CHERIE is a Board Certified Coach, Founder of Tapped In Leader, One Woman Effect and the Bring It Group. An Entrepreneur, Rockstar Mom and Possibilitarian, she lives to help people live. She cares deeply about removing the obstacles to desire, is a relentless optimist and wants everyone on this planet to enjoy the hell out of their lives. She works with the hungry, the ones who crave more, the leaders who refuse to settle – and she takes them to the next level. Without apology, she will raise your bar and keep it high. She holds a vision for people that they sometimes can’t hold for themselves. Cherie blends a lifetime of study with great Masters in spirituality, strategy and transformation. She’s a master of communication and relationship and uses these skills to empower people to rise up and make a difference in the world. She believes that everyone has a unique reason for being and that if we are to truly enjoy the ride, we have to know what that is. She helps clients develop their personal brand, get into alignment with who they are and why they’re here, tap in to their highest self and change the world. www.cheriehealey.com
Sarah: My ritual is I do a little cleaning to clear the energy. I light incense and sit down. I light a candle and I just let my body become a chalice for what spirit wants to fill me with the night and I was sitting here and my prayer of late is really just be to be guided to move out of my own way and allow my natural intuition to do the work. That voice of spirit and god and I grab Coming Home to Myself by Marion Woodman on my desk open a page on the Black Madonna. If you're in the Facebook page, we've been talking a lot about Kali, the dark goddess, Black Madonna. This little poem, so instead of our invocation tonight, we'll do this invocation to her. Do you want to just close your eyes and settle into your hip bones and maybe through your nose, take a deep breath, up your spine, out your crown.
Inhale, exhale. A few more times like that. Inhale up the spine, out through the mouth, really focusing on that crown area that we want to open up to allow the guidance to come through. Inhale, and out through the mouth. "The Black Madonna is larger than life itself. Nature impregnated by spirit, she presides over fertility, sexuality, childbirth. She accepts her body as chalice for spirit, presides over the sacredness of matter, the meeting of sex and spirit, rejected by the patriarchy, her energy has smoldered for generations. Now she erupts in us and in the world, demands conscious recognition, demands redemption of matter."
"When she comes in a dream, she may take us on her lap, put our head beside her heart and rock. And we know, we have never heard that heartbeat, never felt so loved. Sometimes she is strict. Her discipline is part of her love. She knows what she is fighting." That about sums her up. This strict and ferocious fierce love of hers. That poem by Marion Woodman, if you don't have it, I love it, Coming Home to Myself. Really encapsulates the energy of these 2 women we're going to talk to tonight. First up is, and because you told me I was going to say your name wrong, now I'm going to say your name wrong.
Ayesha: No your not, go for it.
Sarah: This is an example of between our souls met, I didn't even have her name right. It didn't matter. This is Ayesha Reynolds, did I say it right?
Ayesha: You did, Sarah, you did. I love you, I love you.
Sarah: I love you. We'll get into how we met but Ayesha's a woman of 7,000, I was going to say hats, but we should say crowns tonight. You might know her through the Girlfriend Manifesto. She has a new conscious creator app because she's an amazing womanifestor. This woman can manifest out of thin air because her deep faith and belief. It's really something to behold because a lot of us, we talk our talk and forget to walk it. I really deeply feel that Ayesha's always walking it and reminds me to walk it, which is faith. She's a force of nature. She's the woman behind my web site, which she's put up in like a day and it was beautiful. There's other things that you're involved in, but some you want to talk about and some you don't, so let's just sort of get to it. Hi.
Sarah: How are you?
Ayesha: I'm great. That was a beautiful introduction it was nice to just sit and receive. Thank you.
Sarah: Well you are amazing at receiving. You're going to tell us how to do it tonight. You're going to help us remove that ... I always feel when I'm around you, that you don't have this self-worth block that so many of us have. Or if you do you really handled it very well. You really allow yourself to receive. That's something when I met you ... we met almost a year ago, 10 months or so ago in Joshua Tree.
Ayesha: It's a lifetime ago.
Sarah: I was going to say, in this lifetime that's when we met but that seems really weird. It just shows you that I've known some people my whole life and barely know them, you know what I mean?
Sarah: I know you and we know each other very well. Where are you right now?
Ayesha: I am in Chattanooga, Tennessee, this is home for me right now. I'm actually looking out at green, just beautiful green. I lit my candle, I poured some tea and I was just sitting and preparing to be sort of a vessel. This is way out of my comfort zone, but like you said, we have to not only talk the talk, but walk the walk. Here I am.
Sarah: I think I do like to push people, or nudge people out of their comfort zones.
Ayesha: I think it's an awesome thing.
Sarah: Yeah, because you had just said, this is what I talk about all the time. We know as people awakened women, if you talk something you're going to have to walk it almost immediately.
Sarah: That's, the words as spell thing. That's why there's that cute saying, that's why they call it spelling. If you say something, you make it true. Tonight we're going to talk about manifestation and how you do it, because you're so excellent at it. Let's go back to our meeting. Tell us about that a little bit.
Ayesha: Yeah. There's a little piece of the story that I'm not sure that even you know. I'm not sure how we got hooked up on social media, how we got connected. I had been wanting to go to Joshua Tree, I felt called to the land actually. I remember something just popping up in my feed and it was like something about a wild woman. I'm like, "Hell, yes." I automatically clicked that I was going. I remember saying a little prayer like, "If this is meant for me there'll be a way." I said yes and I forgot about it for weeks, months, I'm not even sure how long. I got a little email reminder from Shatki, like, "Hey, you said you were going are you still interested?" I was at a kind of emotional, tumultuous time in my life and I remember that my last paycheck from a job that I was leaving was the exact amount to get me out there.
I took that check without even thinking for a second. I knew I had to be there. We met at that retreat. It was a really special time, a really tender time in my life. It's what led me to be able to even speak, to be here on this call. Because yes, I do walk the walk with all my friends, with everyone who knows me well. This is a bit out of my comfort zone, so seeing you and Shatki, all these amazing women and their power, I was like, "Okay, I can do this. I can take it up a notch." We met there and I instantly loved you. I was like, "I've got to be friends with this person. She's amazing." Just watching you sort of channel the information that comes out of you. I was just in awe, totally in awe.
Sarah: Well, let's just get that raw time was that we shared the loss of a mother. We shared the motherland, the motherland is wide and varied. Not everyone, especially your age, you're quite young. How old are you?
Ayesha: We are the same age, basically, I don't know if you consider that young.
Sarah: You called me like an older sister at one point, you know I have a steel trap for stuff like that. I always remember.
Ayesha: You might be a year or 2 older, but we're basically the same age.
Sarah: Losing a mom, there's never a good age for it, there's never a good time. I couldn't believe you were there. I was like this woman is made of something that most people aren't made of.
Ayesha: You truly never ... sorry go ahead.
Ayesha: I was just going to say, you truly never feel ready for that and it was my mom transitioned on the 10th. I was with all of these women on the 31st. Both of those calls had been coming for a long time. You know what I mean? They were lined up. I felt so held and so honored and so able to just be in joy or pain or whatever I was in. I felt like it super sped up my healing process just being with you all in such a raw time. We did so many rituals and so much healing and it was the Day of the Dead. It was really powerful.
Sarah: Right. Our, my gosh, what's the word. Our intention was to have ... sometimes we over use these words that we forget them. We tend to say intention a lot in the spiritual world. It's like saying cat at this point. Our intention was to hold our first mass women's circle for Shakti and I to do this. 30 women at the time of the Crone. When the wheel turns dark, when we move into ourselves and let things go. This beautiful alignment of Samhain, Halloween, when you're honoring the ancestors. When the joke is with so many of my witch friends before they come out, it's the one day I can be myself.
Ayesha: Yeah, totally.
Sarah: I'm draped in crystals, I can be open about being psychic and all that stuff. Now, our work is real, it's becoming cool and open to be a witch. Just like in that Marion Woodman poem, she knows what she is fighting. I loved that poem by the way. Here Ayesha was called to do deep healing of someone she'd lost and we honored our ancestors. We honored those who we lost and we even did a meditation by Ana Forest about your own death. Do you remember that meditation?
Ayesha: Oh, do I. Yes, I do.
Sarah: Do you want to tell them a little about that experience or ...?
Ayesha: Yeah, it was so powerful because I was with my mom when she transitioned. The meditation is really powerful in the sense that it's really counting down. Okay, now this is ... it was so real for me to experience it and then come and be just be available to be there. I don't even have the words right now. I've since done it a few times and given it to friends. It's just super powerful. It's the women on the call haven't heard of it they absolutely have to check it out. It will bring you to your knees. It will get you thinking about things that you really never have. It was a powerful reminder after going through something like that. For sure.
Sarah: To touch on that, there's so much I want to make sure I get into these calls. We've already done 15 minutes. These calls go by so fast and I have this list of things I want to talk to you about. I didn't know I'd bring that up or that goddess would want me to talk about that meditation. I do think it's really important. It's by Ana Forrest, it's her death meditation. Basically it walks you through dying. She actually like ... you're pretending your heart is stopping, it's terrifying. You're seeing what matters and what doesn't matter. You're seeing who you really love and you're seeing what you really want to do. You don't want to waste anymore time. It's really a wonderful meditation.
It's also very sobering. It's the wisdom of the crone, I posted something today, "Will this matter on your deathbed?" If the answer is, "No it won't." Then move on. If the answer is "It will matter on my deathbed." Then move into it, take action. That's how the crone is, she's like, "We are out of time women." What's important, what's not. The thing is about being a wise woman of her intuition with the spirit awakened within her, we have these internal crystal balls, we have this intuition. You have a really, really strong intuition, maybe one of the strongest that I know. Just like when you got to Joshua Tree.
You were like, "Okay, if I'm supposed to go, allow the way." You know you were supposed to go, so you paid attention.
Sarah: When you say you're out of your comfort zone, it reminds me of how I was before goddess really shoved me off a cliff. Even last year I was very, still like, "I don't really know what I'm doing." It's like, "Because you were called to do it, so just get up and do it."
Ayesha: Show up, yeah.
Sarah: I was still saying, "I don't really get it." Everyone was groaning and rolling their eyes. Like, "Come on, this is what you were born to do." When you say, "I'm out of my comfort zone," I can see things in my internal crystal ball. I see your future, this is your work and your present. Your already leading women's workshops. You're changing a lot of people's lives, already. I can see your future. If I can't, it's just like at my wedding before I was awake as a witch. I couldn't see it. We were engaged and everything and I couldn't see my wedding. I knew that was bad, I didn't have the words for it, but I knew it wasn't going to happen, if I couldn't see it. Am I making sense?
Ayesha: Definitely, and that's a powerful point about the law of attraction. You don't really have to know how it's going to come, but if you can't picture the end result it's probably not going to show up. Or you're going to get some diluted version of it. It really is important to have that desire and to be willing to envision something bigger than you can even imagine.
Sarah: That's the big thing I keep hearing in the law of attraction. The why and the how aren't really your business, right?
Ayesha: No it's not, it totally isn't because your brain's just going to send you on this loop. Yeah. Of trying to figure out, actually the real true brain of our body is our heart. It's a joyful thing. I would much rather spend time thinking about what I desire and dreaming and doing all that stuff. Letting someone else figure out the how and truly being willing to show up and step in when it's time. Of course there's action that needs to be taken. My business is to just be a dreamer with my head in the clouds. That's what I've always been told is not a good thing. The fact that I get to do that and it pans out great for me in my life, so much so, that people are like, "Hey, what do you do."
They're never going to believe me when I tell them, "Hey, my job is to be joyful." It just sounds so simplistic, or maybe a little bit "woo-woo" but that's how I roll.
Sarah: That, in my moments of highest clarity, is the truth. That joy is my job, pleasure is my priority. Me being in my joy means my light is turned on and I'm doing my work. When I'm not in my joy, it's like walking through the forest, it's like, "Oh, I'm lost again." Then I can't see anything, then I'm in my joy and I'm found again, and the path is here. It's not always, "easy," but for you I would say it seems to come a little, I don't know, easier. You sort of owned it as your birthright and owned it as your job and it worked for you. I was in the grocery store today, and we get told like, "Don't play make believe, don't pretend." I was thinking about our call tonight, and I was like, "But what if I'm pretending I'm happy, and then I'm happy? Or what if I pretend I love myself?" What's the difference between I love myself and I'm pretending. It feels the same. You know what I mean?
Sarah: I'm pretending I'm rich. Well then, I kind of am.
Ayesha: You are, yeah.
Sarah: Yeah. I guess we can get to this in a second because I want to sort of back up to your story we met, before I knew you, before your mother passed to a higher plane. Did you know you had something to share with the world? What was your story, if you mind sharing that with us?
Ayesha: I definitely think I did. I remember being the type of kid who wasn't, much like yourself and your story like, kind of told to be quiet. Like, "Don't ask too many questions." I really wasn't satisfied with the answers my family was giving me about life and the nature of life. I was always so in awe, I'm like, "Where are the other people who are freaking out because there's trees and there's animals and we're breathing?" I thought of something and it happened. I was always that type of kid that had a ton of questions. I kind of always felt like, this may sound horrible, but I had a family someplace else, like I was always longing for a home. I knew that my family loved me, but I knew there was something more.
I was thinking about being a little bit nervous because there were all these women on this call that have all these titles and credentials and I'm like, "Okay, I've just lived the life of a seeker for the last 35 years, that's what I've been doing." That's what every moment of my life has truly been about and so in that sense, there may come some ease, but there's always that forgetting. How good it feels to remember, like "Ah, yes, okay, I am this spiritual person. Ah, yes, my heart can lead me in the right direction, I don't have to be guided by my head." My life has been, by no means, I've gone through a lot of different stuff in my life, but I've always like you said, somehow felt this ease.
I think it has to do with maybe my dharma, maybe that I've been this little seeker my whole entire life. I'm not quite sure, but I do feel like I have something to share. That's more important than whether I'm nervous, or not. Whether I am used to speaking out and I think that's what keeps me in this work and keeps me going.
Sarah: I've talked to you, when anybody else would be in a mental hospital. You're life was shattering around you. I'll call you, and you'll be like, "I'm fine." I'm like, all sensible purposes or other people say that, all surface things, I would be like, if you were shaking under your bed drinking a bottle of Jack Daniels. I would be like, "Of course you are." Instead your on a lily pad like Lakshmi still calling in abundance. You're like deep in your soul, the part that says "despite the surface knows all is deep wood well." That's where you reside. Do you have any tips for that?
Ayesha: I think it's a decision you make over and over and over again. We're all thrown these amazing ... we're thrown tons of things, we're thrown things that we perceive as good, we're thrown things that we perceive as bad. As long as we recognize that there's a gift in all of it and we decide to act that way. Of course there's times where I might be under my bed shaking, maybe not with the Jack Daniels and crying, and allowing myself to feel the emotions. I really do think it's just a decision that you make over and over again. It's like, "Okay, here I am at this point. What am I going to do? How am I going to react? What's the loving choice."
Just taking a moment for yourself. Maybe that's not been easiest thing in my life to get to, but it's a practice. I think part of my magic is like practical magic. How do you do that? Well, I can tell you. Maybe you won't believe me, but it's truly it. It's just telling myself over and over again, "Okay, something good is going to come from this." Even when ...
Sarah: No keep going, you're on it.
Ayesha: I mean, I was just going to say, even when it's life altering, everything around you is falling to the ground in pieces, definitely a lot of that is happening in my life. I've shed a lot of things. The beautiful thing, my affirmation has been, "Wow, okay, it's all shattered around me but I get to pick up the pieces that I think are lovely, that I want to have in my life after this." Everything is rubble, but I'm still here, I'm still breathing and I get to decide. That's where I am right now.
Sarah: There's 2 things I want to say about that. One is I was just talking to a good friend, who's on the call tonight. She's, I would say, 2 days ago I called this situation bad, that I was in. Even though I deeply knew, wow, I'm going to grow from this so much. It was extremely painful, like being in a fire, but what does fire do? It burns away emotion and old skin. We know the path of fire because Andrea Harvey calls this "path of fire." The same thing as walking the path of love. It's like you gotta love through it. The revelation that I was talking about today, came through the fire. It's called the Crucible. When you put any ordinary piece of metal in a fire and it burns down to gold.
If I hadn't walked through this last fire, I wouldn't have had this revelation, which I called bad last week, because it hurt like fucking bitch, you know? Then this week, I feel like the Phoenix. I get the Phoenix thing again and again. Wow, look at those ashes I left behind, look at that old skin on the ground. What I was going to tell you and this might lead to ... So I'll just put a pin in the second question I was going to ask you. What I was going to tell you is, you have this thing when I met you. You have this way of walking with your ... I call it like walking through heaven's gate.
You have your head high, I kind of touched on this with Lara Catone, you didn't do this thing with ... Some women when we play small we either immediately want to be each other's best friend, like, "Oh my god, I love you." Or we're really standoffish, like checking you out, I don't know. You didn't have either, you were so in your body and so in ... I was immediately drawn to you in the sort of queen priestess-y energy. You had this old soul, you knew who you were. Throne, crone, crown energy. I was like, "Wow, she doesn't need me to like her." You know what I mean? Even if you did, you were going through a ton, so you were like both fragile and strong at once.
For my whole life I've said, "I don't like confrontation." I've almost become really aggravatingly passive, even passive aggressive. I had to really look at it recently because I didn't stand up for myself when I needed to recently. I ended up hurting me and this other woman. I had to interchange confrontation with standing up for myself. When you say, "I don't like standing up for myself, that takes on a whole different tone." I can't abide by that. Because of the pain I went through, I'm now someone who won't ever do that again. I will now go, "I'm sorry but I'm going to have to hold my ground and speak up."
I had to look and say, "Who's the me saying, 'I don't like confrontation.'?" It was the tiny girl that we talked about at the beginning of the call, that was always in trouble for standing up for herself or saying something. I had to go, "Oh, I get that, she didn't want to be not liked or told she was bad." I'm 36 I can fucking handle it if you don't like me. You know what I mean?
Sarah: This is a long way of getting to, it's about confidence and you have that. You really do, I want to know, is that something that you were self-taught? Did you get taught by your parents? Where did that come from?
Ayesha: I definitely had very supportive parents, I think that both of my parents ... First of all, my dad always wanted to be an artist. His family was cautionary about that, like, why would you do that, do something else that will pay your bills. I think he wanted to instill in his children that anything's possible. I definitely had 2 pillars in my life that told me that over and over and over again. I really think my mom was like an undercover witch because I so hardcore believed in magic because of her. I remember her telling me, "Ayesha if you want it anything's possible. Where there's a will there's a way."
I was bred believing that. I think that translated into part of the woman that I am today. This makes me have a memory of my mom really quick that I'd love to share. She was always a singer, she was always singing. I remember as a kid I was just like, "Oh god, do I have to hear her sing again?" One of the most treasured things I have now, is watching my mom literally command this audience with her voice. With her speaking voice, with her tone, it was like she was fearless. Sometimes I watch that video and I'm like, "No, I'm not cut from that same cloth." I'm like, "Yes I am. Just stand up and know that you're that woman." I think that I definitely hold myself that way. I don't know, those things were hugely important as I was growing up.
Sarah: I think to swirl back around to this, when you've had your life shattering, which the coven has been talking about this a lot. That's Kali, destroying the old, so the new flies. It's what Marion Woodman was talking about, she's demanding to be seen and heard. Life moves in cycles and death is real. Like the death meditation we were talking about. The importance of that is to truly live. The importance of facing your death. Would you say sort of not shying away from your mother's death. Moving into it the way you did, unafraid. What have you taken from that?
Ayesha: Wow, one of the biggest lessons that I feel like I literally alchemized in my body, is really something that my mom is not strong at. In my family, although she was a strong woman in so many ways, she really lost her voice in her relationship with my dad. She let a lot of things fester, which really showed up in the illness that manifested for her. I think honestly standing up and being not afraid of ... I don't want to call it confrontation but just there were so many secrets in my family that my mom just sort of let happen. After she passed all that came up and I had to just stand up in a family that I had known and be like, "Okay, this is not okay. I'm not going to be a party of someone who can sweep all of this under the rug. It got stirred up for a reason, we have to deal with it."
I think I learned so much from watching my mom lose her voice and, I don't want to call it suffer, but not stand in all of her true brilliance. That was a huge lesson that I learned from watching her. Really watching her transition.
Sarah: Do you ever feel like now you're not just doing this for you, but for her as well. Of glowing and shining so bright?
Ayesha: You know what I truly feel like, I get to stand on her shoulders. She came here to show me so many things. One of them was that I can stand up and be the woman that I am and let the chips fall where they may. Whoever wants to be in my life when I'm in my fullness will be there. Really can not be afraid to walk parts of the journey alone. I truly feel like I'm more like standing on her shoulders. I feel like when I pass, if I were to have children, that they would be able to do the same.
Sarah: Back to this idea, who are we to call something bad when actually sometimes the worst things bring the best things and sometimes the best things bring the worth things. Our judgment calls it that. When things shake up, somebody posted something about, when you let the troubled waters calm down, then you can see the moon and the stars again on the water. You have to let things settle before you can truly see what it is... the change in whatever form. Or love in the form of storm. We talk a lot about this standing up for ourselves and not being pleasers. This is about I need a specific relationship in your life. You've said that you've had some time recently to kind of consciously uncouple with relationships, whatever form they were in your life.
That takes a lot of courage and confidence, that I might be alone, someone might think I'm a bitch. Someone might think I'm an abandoner. Someone might think I'm a quitter. Will you tell us about what's been going on with that for you?
Ayesha: Yeah, sure. I was actually, it's funny how you get these little sparks and you're not sure how you're supposed to use them. I was on a plane and I just remember writing down, I wrote something down about complaining. I just put, "If you're complaining you're not in the game." That's all I put, a week later I was listening to a conversation that somebody was having, I just remembered that I'd written that. What struck me more than anything was like, "Holy shit, Ayesha, you've been complaining about a lot of stuff, that means you've just been sitting around and watching it happen." Specifically the instance I'm thinking about is a relationship with a client. It was a great woman, most of the people I work with are female. I was like, "Wow, okay, this has been a year of me stalking this client down for everything I need. I feel like I can't do a good job for her. I feel like I'm doing myself a disservice as well as her by just letting this thing sort of languish." I was like, "Wow, okay, I'm going to get back in the game."
I had to choose an approach, we do most of our corresponding through email, so I thought that was appropriate. I just sent her a really sweet letter being like, "You know, it's been a challenge working together. I think there's probably someone who's a better fit for you." I had to consciously let that go and get back into being an active participant in my life. Consciously creating my life is not just sitting back and being like, "I can't believe this thing is happening." At some point taking some action. We label things as confrontation because we're so used to being swatted on the hand for having a voice.
Actually it turned out really well, she was over apologetic, knew that she had been not giving me what I needed and really tried hard-core to get me back. It felt like a clearing so something else could come in for myself and for her. I think it was like ultimately loving. It ultimately turned out not to be this huge confrontation I was so scared about. Lately I've been like, man, I've been applauding myself in the circles I run in because what could have been a confrontation, it never really turns out to be. It's like, "Oh, you've been feeling that, thank you for telling me." You know? Instead of this huge blow up about something.
Sarah: In some ways, we're both feeling it, right? You're not making it up, it's an elephant in the room. Everyone feels the presence of the elephant breathing and standing there. Somebody needs to point it out.
Ayesha: Exactly. It takes one person just to say, "Hey, this thing is going on, do you want to talk about it." There's really never an easy way to have a conversation that you perceive is going to be hard. I feel like if you come from the heart and you're really ... Even is you're stumbling over your words. When she called and tried to get me back, I was stumbling and didn't really know what to say except this is how I feel. How do you feel? Whatever. Both parties usually know.
Sarah: Right, and you end up serving both of you.
Ayesha: Yeah, yeah.
Sarah: It's sort of like this cyclical thing we talk about, where every relationship has a spring where it's warm, a summer where it's at it's fullest, a fall when it's like uh-oh the passion isn't really there and then a death. It's our work to mercifully allow something to die. If it's supposed to keep going it has a rebirth.
Ayesha: Exactly. Yeah.
Sarah: Her reaction would be her work. I fear the other person's reaction, but if they can't keep their shit together that's ... you know what I mean?
Ayesha: That's true. That's a good point. It's truly none of your business. Having said that, you're work is to not react to whatever they give you in that situation.
Sarah: Right. Speaking of people who've died, who I'm madly in love with. My Aunt Lisa, who never cussed, but she used to say, "Everyone's going to try to hand you their bag of shit, it doesn't mean you have to take it." That's really moving the boundaries. That's not mine, that's yours. Do you have any boundary practice or what boundaries are to you and how to feel into keeping them?
Ayesha: That's sort of a fluid thing. For me, how I've established boundaries is by really letting mine be violated or sort of violating someone elses. I'm not afraid to be like, "Hey, I totally overstepped my boundaries. Sorry." I think that was also a gift my mom gave me, as I watched her sort of have not very many boundaries. I don't know if there's a gentler word than boundary, that's such a word that's overused. I don't know quite how I feel about it. If there's anything that's insulting to you, to your presence, to you feeling good, then it's your job to figure out how to navigate that. Whether it be leaving a situation or asking to speak to someone. It's definitely our work, we can't expect anyone else to do it.
Sarah: Tell me what the Girlfriend Manifesto is and how active you still are in it, when it began.
Ayesha: Really the Girlfriend Manifesto it feels like my literal heart beating in the world. A few years ago I just felt this huge need to be around my sisters, my sisterhood, my girlfriends. Everyone has such busy lives, I was like, okay I'm super into details and planning. I made the cutest little bags and I came up with the name the Girlfriend Manifesto because every movement needs to have a manifesto, it needs to have a set of intentions for lack of better word. Actually it's the perfect word, a set of intentions. I invited 8 or 10 women to this dinner at a studio space, we all just got together and we laughed and we supported each other. I was like, "Oh my goodness, this is what I've been missing from my life." Although we only met once or twice, the idea was born.
That's how I needed it to be. It wouldn't leave me alone, the name, the idea, it just wouldn't leave me alone. About a year ago, me and a friend decided to just start a blog. It was actually something I'd been wanting to do for probably a decade but just was spiritual about my voice and being in the world with amazing people who write like you do. I was like, "No, this is my gift to the world, what's it going to be, what's it about?" To me it's sisterhood. It's adventure. It's really that self-love practice that we've talked about. It's spirituality. It's connecting with something that is innate about you, but also bigger than you. When I first started it I didn't know. I didn't know I was going to run a retreat. I didn't know that we were going to have ... I don't know just offerings.
I thought, "Okay, I want to be able to put something in the world that is uplifting to women. A place where women can come and connect. A place where people can feel held." That's how it got started and really that's what I'm putting most of my energy into now. I've discovered that, here's a manifesting tip, really don't do more than 3 things. I used to have my hand in so many things, I think part of it was actually out of fear of actually seeing one of them turn into something amazing. I've really let a lot of things go. Right now for me, it's the Girlfriend Manifesto. It's Conscious Creator. Then I do design work. If there's anything that's going to take me away from fueling these 2 things that I'm super passionate about I have to pass on it. Right now, that's my world. That's my world.
That's kind of it in a nutshell.
Sarah: Okay. If I put all my energy to it, it could actually be something huge. We sort of dilute our energy in all different places.
Sarah: If we're so focused on one thing, that thing is going to be born, and then what? Right? You, please don't stop designing, because you're like the best designer I've ever seen. I started to ask you, you were growing up and did you, you've done a ton of sisterhood work, you just got back from what's it called? Where you were out in the woods for 2 weeks. What were you doing?
Ayesha: I was at, shoot, I was just telling someone about this and the name totally escapes me.
Sarah: Why is the name gone? I can't remember. It's a huge women's conference.
Ayesha: I know it's like a big deal, I'll think of it in a minute. I wanted to volunteer, I wanted to see how everything ran and how it was. I was out a little bit past San Francisco with 500 women in the woods, which of course was amazing. Sorry I lost my train of thought, what were you asking me about that? Besides the name.
Sarah: I hadn't finished my question because I can't believe we can't remember the name of that. I was getting your questions ready and I was like, "Oh, it'll come to me," when I couldn't remember earlier.
Ayesha: Spirit Weavers. It's called Spirit Weavers.
Sarah: Spirit Weavers, oh my god. Obviously. You said you've always been a seeker, because I didn't, I had what they call a "poof" like an overnight thing. I would drowning and stifling and sedating her with pills, my Shatki. There's so much more than this and I would be like, "Here's a pill, go back to sleep you." Did you have, would you say you had an awakening, or that you'd been awake and continued awake?
Ayesha: I've always been a seeker, so I don't know if you consider that to be someone awake on their path. I remember when I was 21 I had the hugest heartbreak, thinking back on it, no this is a right of passage. Everyone goes through it. For me it was the catalyst for a bigger question. It was all about, it sounds ... I was 21, it was all about suffering. As if there had to be an anecdote to feeling this way. Although my heart was broken by a boy, I wasn't like really pining away for the boy, I was really curious about how is it possible that I feel like I'm dying? What else is there? For me, when I was 21, I went on a huge, Silverman's Speaking Mission. The next ten years of my life I wrote in a journal every single day.
I was really curious about helping ... yeah, it was really obsessive point in my life to "try to figure things out." Looking back on that it was also a point in my life where I was so much in my masculine and really looking for answers that way. When I was about 30 that really softened into a really balanced and/or feminine approach. 21 is a time I look back on and think, "Wow, at this point a lot of this really started for me."
Sarah: What was it like teaching your first ... you just hosted your first workshop and there's a lot of women on the call who are at the precipice of doing that. Can you tell us what that was like?
Ayesha: I'm actually sitting in the same spot that that happened. So many things came up for me, that weekend I was supposed to ... the girl who does the girlfriend manifesto with me was supposed to be able to come. At the last minute she couldn't. I was like this fish out of water, I was about to all everyone in my phone book and say, "Hey, can you help me, I need help, I need help, I need help." After that watching the weekend unfold and realizing that I had not only everything I needed but that the women were attracted to it were the perfect women for my first time. Everything that came together, what I kept telling myself was, "These elements have been in the works forever, it's okay."
I just kept soothing myself with these thoughts. That's exactly how it was. If you feel the call, I started small, I thought 12 women would be perfect. There were 11 of us. I think it was a very manageable number. Every single person was ready. It was just phenomenal, it was more than I could have asked for. At the end of the weekend I just felt like, "Why did I sit and worry? Why did I almost call every single person in my phone book to ask for help, when I was ready?" Those nudges by you and by the universe were there for a reason. It's like, okay, you're ready to take the next step. Often if we're not moving the universe moves us.
Sarah: Oh, I like that.
Ayesha: You know what? Thinking back to Joshua Tree, that was such a big time in my life. There were so many habits that I had that sort of over planning. Over planning kills magic. That's one of the little quotes that's been going around on the internet. I let go of so many things. I was there with all of you ladies, and I didn't know that I could fall in love with all these complete strangers. It was the first time that I ever missed a flight, I was sort of pushing it. It was one of the first times that I didn't overly research something. Okay, yeah, I'm going. Having no clue anything about you, or Shatki. If I did I probably would have been one of those people just googly-eyed, like "Oh my god, these women are so amazing," but I truly knew nothing.
I was just trusting. I can pinpoint back at Joshua Tree really a seed being planted and knowing I was going to go back and do something. Putting the word out and then being like, "Oh shit, now I have to do it." We were just laughing about that a minute ago. Really starting to walk what I've been talking about this whole time. Part of that for me is leading. It's all working, it was amazing.
Sarah: The quote that keeps coming up when I talk to you is, "Start before you're ready." You're just never going to be ready.
Ayesha: No, never.
Sarah: You've been born ready.
Sarah: We were talking the other day about even my relationship with Shatki is so much stronger because when we started out we were sort of doing the same thing. We both want to awake the divine feminine, all right, okay. Now it's like we crystallized more into what our purpose is here. We're beginning to remember who we were and why we were sent here. What our job is. We each have a very specific flavor of goddess. That's why I love the Coven Conversations. We get to represent a different flavor of goddess on each call. 26 women on this summit. I could have had 100 women, I just had to stop at some point. It was snowballing. I was like, "Sarah you're going to be doing this until like 2020, chill out."
What would you say your particular brand of magic is?
Ayesha: I've thought a lot about super-powers and we've talked a lot about manifestation. I truly think that that coupled with, I love to be a mirror to someone who doesn't feel like they're a good manifestor or doesn't feel like they have control over their life. I feel like just like you can look in your crystal ball and see things about me. I love to look in my crystal ball and see amazing things about women. Really just sing their praises. I love the quote that, "The Western woman will save the world." I feel like the more women who are ready to step into their roles, whatever it may be, it's just going to change things. I guess manifesting along with being like the ultimate pep talk giver for friends and sisters. That would be my magic.
Sarah: If you had to explain manifesting to someone who didn't know it. Or if you had ... you can come at this 2 ways ... if you had like 5 womanifestation, because you know we're in coven, tips. Do you have something like that ready to go?
Ayesha: Yeah, here's a phrase, it's actually just 3 words that I share with myself all the time to I guess bring about manifestation quicker. I guess if I were to try to explain it to someone who's never heard of it ...
Sarah: I need to stop you for a second, I just want to completely drain this ... I met Ayesha and she's going, she wins every trip she ever enters. She sees a man in her mind and suddenly he's sending her an email and they're going on a date. Her power is so ... I call it the Midas touch, or the Lakshmi touch. It's so crazy that you're around her and you're like, "What the fuck are you drinking, I want some." It's so good. I'm not making this up. I'm like, "Give me some of your magic, sprinkle that shit all over me." Okay, now I'm going to let you continue.
Ayesha: Okay. I would just say it's an energy practice. It's an energy of like attracts like so whatever you're projecting is what you bring to you. We talked a little bit about your words are your wand. To me words are such a huge part of what I do to hone my skill. To say someone's a powerful manifestor, the reality of the situation is that we're living in a projection, or whatever you want to call it, that is energy-based. We're all manifesting at every moment, it's just like for me the tweak is, how do we become conscious about it? How do we really use it to not only help ourselves, but help the planet? A question that I often ask myself is, if I'm wanting to call something in and for some reason my brain is like, "Oh, that's too big, that's too huge, you can't have that."
I ask myself, "Why not now?" I literally, I just keep doing it. I'll get a piece of paper and if there's something that I'm calling, I'll just ask myself, "Why not now?" Sometimes it's silly like, "Oh, I'm afraid, or I'm not worthy." All this stuff comes up and that can be an area of growth or work. Or, another tip is, it's just be continually joyful. If the idea of sitting down and writing and doing a worksheet, "Why not now?" and you see all this stuff that you have to work on. You start to judge yourself and you start to feel icky, put that shit away. If you do that worksheet and you feel uplifted like, "Oh, okay, I didn't know I had this self-belief," or "Oh, this thing is sticking out to me," then stay with it. The quickest way to manifest is to stay joyful.
Just stay happy. You don't really even have to make a vision to work. It's fun, it's a fun thing to do. I guess my biggest tip would be that it's the most powerful manifestors are people that can continually stay in joy and gratitude. That brings stuff to you super quickly.
Sarah: How do you learn this? Are you like an Abraham Hicks study or do you just run it from your own practice? How do you learn it?
Ayesha: When I started to become conscious that I would think about something or I would ... When I was a kid I had basically all my walls collaged with things. I just thought I was picking them because I thought they were beautiful. Somethings I consciously knew, like, "Oh, I would love to go here, have this experience." I remember being like 19 and 20, thinking about my life and being like, "Holy shit, I literally was thinking about this 6 months or a year ago. I've lived into the apartment, the job, the boyfriend." I used to have a screen-saver of this craft studio that I wanted to open and I'm 100% telling you the truth, the place I moved into and it was a stock photo. It looked exactly like that. I started to realized, okay, there's this thing happening.
Then of course, the movie came out, which was a little bit hokey and maybe a little bit pop culturish but it got a whole bunch of people thinking in a different way. It did it's job.
Sarah: Are you talking about The Secret?
Ayesha: Yeah, The Secret, I'm talking about The Secret. The funny thing is, is that Zach, who is my partner and also we're going through kind of this consciously uncoupling stage. Sometimes is like, "Hey, can you just turn that off?" Like, "Can you just turn off the Abraham Hicks?" Or "Can you just turn off the Hay House?" Or "Hey, can we just not watch GaiamTV tonight?" I want to be like, "I can't turn it off, it's literally what I do from the moment that I wake up until I go to sleep." It's really because I find it joyful and I'm so curious about more. I just want more. It's just this hunger inside myself that I just can't quench. I want to keep moving and I want to keep going. I want to keep learning. That totally fuels my manifestation. Learning and being around like-minded people. Surrounding myself with the energy of love, of growth, of creation, of everything that resides in something like an Abraham Hicks clip. Or Bashar clip. Or any clip that has to do with the law of attraction or manifestation. There's always more to learn.
Sarah: Yeah, that's what spirituality did for me, it quenched this thirst because there's always more. You can always grow more, you can always learn more. You made me realize I want to watch those things again. It is really exciting, this life is your canvas. It's very exciting. What's your vision for your career, your job, I wouldn't call it a job, but you? How are you going to serve the world?
Ayesha: I was thinking about this because I've been going through these periods of change where I don't even recognize myself from a week ago. The things that always remain the same with me are I have to have adventure in my life. I have to be serving not only myself but women especially. I have to be on a quest to learn more. As long as I can have all those things combined with creativity and passion and expression is huge for me. Having an outlet for that. I don't know exactly how it's going to look. I definitely now from the Girlfriend Manifesto and what's in the works for my app, Conscious Creator. My live vision? I'm sure that's going to twist and turn and change.
I really will remain true to those core values and those core beliefs. I think part of the magic with manifestation which we touched on earlier was, not worrying about the how, just feeling into those feelings. Feelings is what power manifestation. That's a really juicy spot for me. That's why I want to just hang out and live.
Sarah: Letting go of the plan, which everyone asks about, what's your plan. Staying in touch with the core feelings you desire, which is excitement and passion and adventure and service for yourself and women and the planet. Letting what needs to happen, happen.
Ayesha: Yes, yes, yes, yes.
Sarah: What is the Conscious Creator app? I keep talking like everybody knows about it. What is that?
Ayesha: It's an app that actually ... I was listening to Hay House a lot last year. There was this question that kept popping up in between people that had radio shows. It was: "If you knew that every moment was creating your life, would you waste a moment not creating?" I was already in the vibration of, this is my work, I've got to do this, I've got to do this. I was like, "Holy shit, even I can refine myself further, do I really truly believe this?" I had to ask myself these questions. Conscious Creator is a mobile app, it's a way for you to bring about change. Bring about manifestation. I look at it as sort of, if I was talking to someone who didn't have a grasp or didn't know much about the law of attraction. I would say, "It's part time management, part goals with soul and manifestation."
I really wanted it to be a simple tool. One of the things I do, sort of obsessively is listen to ... I'll record my own voice saying a goal that I have, saying an affirmation. I used to listen to it obsessively. I would set an alarm and it would pop up. I was using my phone as basically what Conscious Creator does all-in-one. It's a set of affirmations, it's a set of recordings, you can record, there's also like little minute meditations and little pep-talk from me on there. It's really a tool. It's a tool that can be used to bring about change in your life. It's in the beta-testing phase, which means I've gotten it to a point that I think it's great.
There's some friends and people I don't know who are testing and then once they get suggestions about use, we'll make all the changes. Then it will be available in like a week or two. It's been a baby I've been nurturing probably my whole life. Just having something out there that I feel is a tool that can help other people is a huge thing. I've also realized it's a very vulnerable place to be. Little criticisms tend to sting a little bit, but I'm like, "Okay, if I'm going to be out in the world I have to be willing to work through that."
Sarah: My new thing with those is just saying, "Thank you," silently. It's just helping me, "Thank you."
Ayesha: Oh, I like that.
Sarah: "That burns a little bit," Again, to who's to say just because it feels bad in the moment, who's to say.
Ayesha: Yeah, you're saying that... right?
Sarah: Best piece of advice you ever got. We're going to have to wrap up here pretty soon, move on. How is the feminine healing the planet or how can it heal the planet? What is the power of the feminine?
Ayesha: Oh, my goodness. First of all this passion and joy, I heard this amazing thing. It was, I can't remember all the details, but this is the one piece that stuck out with me. This is what I feel the feminine is sort of lacking, I was like wow. This woman was doing an interview with a man. He was from some indigenous culture, I can't remember what. He was saying, "Can you guess the one thing is that women do for this culture?" She was thinking, "Oh, we have the babies." Like that's the one thing we can do. He was, "No, the woman is supposed to tell the man, when to stop hunting, when to stop fishing, when to stop taking from the earth. That's the one thing you're women have not done." I don't know, that really hit me, "Wow, women are here to stand up be in our joy, be in our passion and also let the world now that what's going on is not where it's at." You know?
It's like, it's our responsibility to stand up in our truth and our power and say, "Hey, we're not standing for this anymore." I think all of that can be done in a super joyful way. I feel like really what healed me was coming back into connection with that feminine, with that receptivity, with that softness, but also that darkness, also that power. I don't know. I love being a woman and I think we can all heal the world.
Sarah: He just brought it back home. A boundary. It's like, enough is enough. Ourselves a boundary for the planet. You've taken enough, you've done enough, joyfully we rise in self protection of ourselves and her. You know?
Sarah: Yeah, that is beautiful. How can people work with you? How can they find you?
Ayesha: They can find me on the girlfriendmanifesto.com as well as, Facebook. If you just search the Girlfriend Manifesto you can find me. Of course, Conscious Creator app will be out soon and yeah, I'm out there, you can find me.
Sarah: I just want to say thank you for these 2 questions you left us with, which is, Why not now? Also, why not me? Why not me? Why don't I deserve joy, love. Why not me, why not now? I just want to thank you, I'm actually going to let Cherie say hello to you. I've always wanted you guys to say hi.
Ayesha: Hi Cherie.
Cherie: Ayesha I bow to you, you queen.
Ayesha: Thank you, I can't wait to hear you. I'm excited to just listen now.
Cherie: Oh, honey, thank you for everything you just gave us. I already downloaded the Conscious Creator, p.s.
Sarah: Oh yeah, we all have that.
Ayesha: Nice. All right beautiful women, thank you. Bye.
Sarah: Oh my goodness, hi.
Sarah: How are you?
Cherie: I'm just beaming over here. Sitting here listening. I told you when we talked the other day, that I was away on vacation and feeling a little disconnected and a little out of sorts coming back and re-entering. Then I started listening to all the coven conversations that I've missed and I'm just so grateful for this. So grateful, I feel like right back here with my sisters, with my people and all is well.
Sarah: It's a honor that you listen because you're so busy. This is Cherie Healey and she's the team leader of One Woman Effect and she's my life coach turned life best friend. She's a fabulous person, she swooped into my life 2 years, 3 years, I don't know, ago.
Cherie: I don't even know.
Sarah: I was on the floor, I was really, really deep dark in depression and it wasn't just depression it was sort of a hopelessness. I knew I had a gift, I didn't know how to offer it. I knew I had a voice, I didn't know how to use it. I knew there was a way out, but I didn't have the tools. Cherie is a life coach, she runs One Woman Effect. She is an insanely amazing mother. If you go on her Facebook, she's always taking her beautiful children all over the world and giving them the childhood of everyone's dreams. All the while being a really good friend to a ton of people. You kind of had a feeling of reaching out to me. If you want to kind of pick up where that was?
Cherie: I remember it as if it were yesterday because I was laying in bed, it was super early in the morning. I think I reached for my phone as so many of us do and looked at my Facebook. Like what was going on, because I'm a total connection junkie. I saw a post of yours, I had been following you for a little while, like everybody. I don't know how we found each other, how I came across your work but I had read something that had just moved me so much that my heart just jumped out for you. I hear guidance really clearly. I have an inner voice that I have learned to very much pay attention to and do what it says. It said so clearly, "Call her, write her, reach out, now." I got right out of bed and I wrote you.
I said, "I know what you're going through and I want to help." I just said, "Whatever you feel, I will just be here." I think I just put it in your hands. You wrote back a really cute, "Hell yes," or something. We set up a call. We started our conversations.
Sarah: No, I said, "I would love to but I can't afford you."
Cherie: Oh, is that right? That's not a worry, it wasn't about that.
Cherie: I was told to help you and that's what I was doing. It wasn't about, "Oh, you should be my client and here's what it's going to cost." It was sacred duty.
Sarah: Or, what I get all the time, "You should be my client and I'll give you 20% off so you can write about me." I get that all the time now. You just reached out with like so money, abundance or energy, which money is energy. You were like, "This is going to feel really good, to help this woman." You know what I mean? For me, I like I've really stopped putting dollar signs on my giving and whether ... because I'm always taken care of, somehow I always end up eating. I always ... It feels so good to give, if it's in a place that it's going to be received. That's different. You've never been about money, you've always been about your heart. You've always been about what's authentic, what's really going to serve. What did you do before you helped people change their lives? What did you do before that.
Cherie: You know, I could go way back in time to when I was a kid, to explain that, but the quick answer is I was working in internet startups. I'm here in Silicon Valley and Menlo Park, right next to Facebook and Google. I was on the ground floor. Right when the internet started, I was swept right into it. I was working with CEOs and founders, helping them build authentic brands and sustainable corporate culture. It was wild and so fun. I did some of my best work, it was really creative and I got to be on TV. I got to be interviewed. I got to do all kinds of cool things. Put this great new stuff out into the world and create companies that made people really happy. What's interesting, I remember a moment not so far into it, I was sitting in a board room listening to a bunch who talk about bottom line. I remember, I was working in Santa Monica at the time, I could see the beach. My eyes went out to the beach and I glazed over.
I heard all this wha-whaing in the back and I was like, "This isn't my bottom line, this is not the conversation I want to have." I stayed in it for quite a while longer. Because I felt like ... I had this dumb belief, like when I was 24 I got out of school, I'd only been working in this space for a couple of years and I discovered coaching. I read like Tony Robbins, Awaken the Giant Within. There was this coaching school in Marin and I said, "Oh my god, I'm in." I signed up immediately and I thought I'm going to be a coach. This is it. All I want to do is talk about life. I'm backing up a little bit, but I didn't finish because I thought, I'm only 24. Who they hell am I to go tell anybody how to live.
I stayed in that whole internet world until I somehow gave myself permission. I felt like, "All right, you got something to give lady." I finally opted out.
Sarah: One of my favorite artists, he wasn't ever going to write an album again, then he didn't feel like he had anything to give. You know the way we write on our phones, I don't know what we did before we had iPhones, when suddenly god's downloading you when you're driving. You get talking to your phone. I don't know what we did before that? I guess we pulled over and like wrote in lipstick on the back of a receipt or something.
Cherie: Yeah, something, on our hand.
Sarah: I remember my mother with receipts with eyeliner writing all over them.
Cherie: Yeah, right.
Sarah: The idea was, you have something to give, he heard people need to hear this. Something arises, there's like a seed planted and it blooms. There's something you have to give or you're going to go crazy if you don't give it.
Sarah: You use the word permission. I think of you as someone, when I watched you in Italy and Mexico and I'm like, I don't know when I'm going to be allowed to do that, you know what I mean? I don't know when I'm going to get to go to Italy just because. How do you give yourself permission to live that big?
Cherie: Oh man, that's such a good question. I used to say that part of my job was to give people the radical permission that they weren't giving themselves.
Sarah: I always feel like later, later I can do it. When I have more money, when I have a boyfriend, whatever. Later, later.
Cherie: Right, one of my friends started a group he calls the Someday Group. Because we all have that, like "Someday, when my ship comes in." Or when this or that happens I'll be able to do it. I don't know if this was in me from the very start, it feels like it was. I have a deep respect for death, there's been a lot of talk of Kali, I almost tattooed Kali on my body years ago. Because I just have a deep respect for the amount of time we're given. I guess this goes back to what I was going say, when I was a little kid I used to come home from nursery school and I remember it so well, I was super confused. I had this nickname Happy Healey, I was just this little bubble, bouncing around, super happy. I had this innate sense that, we won the lottery by being here.
That just by being alive, we were just here to play, it was the most exciting thing that every happened to me. I couldn't understand why other people were grumpy, why they were complaining. My dad was a super complainer and super unhappy. I just didn't get it. I don't know I grew up in an Irish Catholic family where if we had somebody die we had a big party. It was a wake. I've always love the Mexican culture Dia de los Muertos is one of my favorite things. This celebration of our ancestors and death. I just had this sense that it's short, it's short. Pack it in. It wasn't like I had a lot of death around me. I didn't have anybody that I loved die until I was 7.
Not until later, my grandpa died when I was older. It's just in me. I think that has me try to pack it in. This year, I make a life plan every January, maybe I start it in December. This year I'm trying to pack like 10 years into 1 year. It's not from a place of lack, its' from a true place of celebration. I'll even go into that, I think I've always had this sense of life's a party. I always kind of hang a string of lights everywhere. Literally and figuratively. It annoys some people. I think I've apologized for it a lot. Then I went to study with Gail Larsen, one of my dearest teachers, this last year. Out in Sante Fe, she only works with like 6 people at a time. I thought I was going there to like really hone my speaking skills.
I'm working with more and more people as time goes on. What I got was something so much greater. She teaches original medicine. Original medicine is this indiginal belief that we are all born with a gift. A gift that if not shared will be lost to the world forever. When I heard that I got chills. I was like, [Gasp] "tragedy." That would be horrifying if people come and we've all got a gift and I kind of knew this in my bones anyway. The way it was said, I thought literally I have to go own mine. If I don't already know what it is. I thought I already knew what it was but I didn't. Of all the marketing that I've come from and all the work I've done on my messaging and why I'm here, blah, blah, blah. I really still didn't own it.
To the point that Gail taught me to own it. We went through this shamanic process and it came out that my gift, my original medicine is celebration.
Sarah: I'm staring up at the book The Gift.
Cherie: It was like You ... at the book the gift.
Sarah: The gift come by her feats. It's like I can't...
Cherie: Oh my god.
Sarah: Staring at it. Celebration. Was there like a deep remembering in your bones?
Cherie: I cried, I was laughing my head off. It was kind of like a "no, duh" moment. It was a complete rearrangement of myself. In that moment she looked at me and I looked at her and it was full recognition of, "Oh yeah, of course." She didn't even know me prior to this. I had applied to work with her and all that but this was a pure moment of true clarity. I think that underlies why I give myself permission. It's like, why the hell not? It's like Ayesha said, "Why not now?" I might not be here when I'm 90. I don't frankly, Tim Ferris has influenced me a lot. The author of The 4-hour Workweek and The 4-hour Body. His bad-assery just absolutely moves the rebel in me.
The idea of deferring my life to when I'm old and maybe not as healthy and certainly not as cute. Why would I do that? You know?
Sarah: I can't imagine you never not being cute.
Cherie: Well we're going to be very cute when we're old but ...
Sarah: The "Why not now?" question is slaying me tonight. It's so amazing and juicy. I keep, as someone who's been trained in death. I've had a lot of deaths. I still act like there's a someday. Which fucking exist. I don't know why? I don't know how to deprogram myself from that.
Cherie: We allow a lot of obstacles stand in our way. I think we tolerate obstacles. I'm so not about that, I used to call myself an obstacle remover. I still am, I very much am about helping people just get that shit out of the way. We're all here for a very big reason. There's a purpose in all of us, if we let money stand in our way. I could totally say I should be saving for the kids' college education and not go to Italy. They're only going to be 10 and 12 once. They're only going to have these little eyes of wonder once. If I wait until they're in high school or college, we're going to have a very different trip to Italy.
Sarah: Yes, you are.
Cherie: It's not about the money. It's just not, it goes back to what Ayesha's saying, it's like knowing, trusting that we'll always be provided for. We're doing divine work, all of us in this coven. We're all on our path. It's going to be okay. I listen to, was it Oprah the other day on the Super Soul Sunday saying, she's asked the same question to every guest. If you could tell your younger self what would it be? Every single one of them has said some version of, "Don't worry." Stop worrying.
Sarah: One of my heroes, Terence McKenna says, "Really the only true wealth is experience." That's really the only true wealth. I call you rich as shit because you, and like my wonderful landlord says, "The goddess is a slut for experience." She's like, "Bring it. I want to experience this life while I'm here." She wants to be made love to by this life. You talk like that. You share similar sort of tantric-like open up like, legs and heart and mind to this life. You know?
Cherie: Yes, and I think I had that in me somehow coming into this life. All this wonder and wanting to experience it all. It really took roots in my practice with my teacher studying tantra and the philosophy of tantra. In no other study, and I'm such a workshop junkie, I'm such a growth junkie, holy cow, I've read everything and been to every workshop. In no other study have I been so validated. To hear the words, "Swatantrya." You are divinely free. So free it's kind of scary. The flavors, this is Sanskrit, the flavors of life are here to be savored. We're here to be penetrated by life. In knowledge, through our senses, through experience. I made it part of my ultimate purpose in work that I do with people to discover what their ultimate purpose here is. What not what you're supposed to do, what title you're supposed to have but why did you really come here in the first place.
I made it to taste every repha, I want to taste all the flavors, I want to experience everything.
Sarah: What is One Woman Effect?
Cherie: It's a movement. It's a calling. It's a principle. A belief that all it takes is one woman who feels good in her skin. Who's aligned with who she is in life. She's here on the planet to change the world. It's this obsession that I have with helping women step into their joy. Like it's the theme of all these calls. The reason for being here. To unleash one woman at a time to her full power. Because you've all experienced it, we've all been in that moment but we've also been around women who walk into the room and it's like described meeting Ayesha. Where she was in full possession of herself. That energy, that emanates that drips off of our skin and the light that shines from our eyes when we're just cool with who we are. No apologies.
No hiding. No fear. Just in our skin. That woman creates a ripple effect. She passes a torch, a spark to everyone in a room, to everyone who comes into her presence and beyond. It doesn't mean you need to be right around her, in her work, in the way she moves, she has a ripple effect. That's honestly, honey, why I called you and said, "I got to help this girl." Because you are causing a massive ripple effect and I didn't want that to be stopped.
Sarah: Let me just get my golden spatula out and scrape you off the floor.
Cherie: Right. That would just being who you are. I was just like, "Wait, you forgot." That I think is so important to do as sisters. One Woman Effect is also a community. It's like everybody that I work with, I do all the work one-on-one with women all over the world. They're all saying the same thing, "We all feel lonely, we're looking for our sisters, we're afraid. Can I really do this work? What's going to happen if I really hit it, if I rise up to what I'm being called to do?" We need each other, we need these conversations. I need to bring these women that I'm talking to together. Have them meet each other. Have them talk and say, "Sister I see you. You've got this. Your idea, your gift, your original medicine, it's brilliant. Go." You know like we cannot do it alone.
Sarah: You remember once you told me the most powerful woman is the one with the most love in heart? The most powerful woman in the room, that was my favorite quote. "The most powerful woman in the room, is the one with the most love in her heart." I was just remembering that. I always think in parables and myths. When we met I was like Cinderella, I was down in the ash, thinking I don't deserve to go to the ball. Maybe nobody really sees me, and maybe they're not supposed to see me. I always thought of you as that fairy godmother that comes in, I call you godsister but, that comes in and is like, "Let me show you who you really are. You get to go to the ball and you get to dance with the prince." I'm still waiting, we're both still waiting on the prince.
Cherie: One Woman Effect is like, "You get to go to the ball. And you get to go to the ball. And you get to go to the ball."
Sarah: Every girl gets to go to the ball and dance in the spotlight. Every woman.
Sarah: I feel this, I said to kind of jokingly yesterday, but I really meant it. I love looking at the wound that caused such massive healing, right? What I got from you when we first started working together is that you wanted to give me the world. I was like, "Why does she want to give me the world?" I already feel like you're like juicily biting into life. You're like Eve with the apple. I'm going to taste this. I was like, "She wants to give me this life that I can't even imagine it's so big." I'd be like, "I'm not ready." You'd be like trying to shove me off the cliff. I was like, "Why do I deserve this." I wonder were you denied as a child because I feel like you're so moved to offer women and everyone you work with, including yourself, the world. Does that come from a place of like, "I know we deserve more and I'm going to get it, and give it to women." Where does that come from.
Cherie: I think the wound that's probably behind it all is I experienced this wild childhood, this kind of Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde thing. Or like black and white duality of one side of my family saying, "The world is magical and god is everywhere. Go play, you can have anything you want. You're perfect, you're amazing." It was just full praise, no limits. The other side of my family was like, "Shit and then you die. Why are you wearing that? Name calling, criticizing. You're wrong in every way." A real challenge to go like, "Who's right? What do I believe?" I think what that had me do was grow into what I would call something like a human pretzel. A pleasing perfectionist girl. Which we all have.
We all have that part that's like, "Okay, if I could just be thinner, prettier, smarter. All of that, then everything will be okay and I'll be loved." I just became a chameleon, I came into this way of being like, "[Gasp] oh my god, I need to somehow fit in, please. Get love in this really contorted way." It had me waste time. It had me make choices that served other people. Had me just abandon myself in a lot of different situations. I can say on the whole, I went through hell and back. A lot of things I had to survive. On the surface though, I was still like trying to have this magical existence. I call myself a possibilitarian. I felt like this potentialist. I had this movie playing in my head all the time.
Of what could be. This could be even better. This could be lights everywhere and people connecting. A love fest. Everything in my inner world was so much bigger, so much more. I remember saying to myself as a kid, "I can't wait until I'm out of this fucking school, where I'm learning all this stuff I don't care about. I can't wait till I'm free to move about the world. I can't wait until I can get out there and taste more and be free. I think that's why freedom is tattooed on my arm because I think that's our divine right. I don't know that I felt entirely free. In the pressures that I put on myself, the pleaser and all of that. The perfectionist. I didn't feel free. I think that's it. I had to throw that off and kind of go out into the world and question a lot. To say, "Who's right? What world am I going to land in? Am I going to be a cynical pessimist or am I going to be the optimist and go for this?"
I clearly landed in the sunshine with the optimism and the belief that we are so free it's mind blowing. I can't stand back knowing everything that I know now. Learning everything that my dear teachers have taught me and not share it. Sit back and watch other people, kind of, settle and suffer their own obstacles and burdens and that pleasing contorting thing that women are so good at. I don't want to see anybody not be free, and hold back.
Sarah: Is there any part of you that still feels like she's holding back? Or that needs to be free and exposed?
Cherie: Yeah, because honestly I think there was this part of me as a kid. Did you have the School Days book when you were a kid, had a scrap book that every year you'd go in and put your little school picture in? Who your best friends were? Did you have that?
Sarah: Maybe. I don't know. I think I had one of those.
Cherie: My mom would get them every year. It was like a thing for your whole childhood and I go in and every year. Yeah. Oh my god I haven't thought of that word in so long. It was a thing where you would write down, you know, a snap shot of yourself. Who you were and what you wanted. It always said, what I want to be when I grow up. I said, I want to be calm-faced. C-A-L-M, calm-faced.
Sarah: Calm-faced, oh.
Cherie: My mom, she would laugh, she'd be like, I think she let if go for a couple of years. Then finally she was like, "What is the calm-faced and how much does it pay?" I said, "I want to be that person who gets to walk around like the people you see on the sidewalk, who just are so calm. They look like so happy." I know it was, I was trying to get at somebody who's... I didn't know the word for it, I didn't know what that was.
Cherie: Of course I got out of the childhood thing and I got free. I went out and started studying theology, I studied with all these different scholars. All this spirituality and I was trying to find the answers so much I almost signed up to be a swami. I thought I was going to be a nun, or a swami or something. I went to the swamis to say, "I want to sign up." They were so compassionate and cute. I do think they laughed at me. They said, "Why do you want to do this?" I said, "Because I want to know god. I want the fast path to god. I want to know why I'm here. I have some big questions and I think that's the only way I'm going to answer them." They said, "Oh, honey." Without hesitation this one swami just laughed and said, "If you want the fast path to god, go get married and have kids."
Cherie: I was like, "What?" He said, "What I do is easy, I get to sit in a cave and meditate all day. You want to go out there and learn about who you really are, you've got to be in relationships." I think in that study I learned about this thing you and Ayesha were just talking about. The moreness of life. There is no zenith of perfection. There is no moment of enlightenment where you've got it all figured out, "And I'm done." You know? There's moreness. I think for me, we always say, "We teach what we have to learn." Right? That our life is our message. You're so good about zeroing in on that. Our wound is what we're here to do. I still am figuring out how to hold back myself. You know? To go out in my work in a bigger way. It's been extremely convenient and easy.
Not in the beginning. Super scary to take people's lives into my heart and walk with them on their path. Help solve big problems. I do it on the phone, you know? Sometimes in my jammies. It's safe in some ways. Now, I'm being asked to stop holding back in that way and do much bigger work. Much more public work. Work with more people and groups and live and all that. Got to break through there. I've got to hold back in my own relationships. Or I've got to work without holding back in my own relationships and work with being more vulnerable. Brene Brown's work has been so big for me.
Sarah: I'm thinking of that, I'm sorry.
Cherie: Go ahead.
Sarah: I'm just ... I'm thinking of you and everything every ... these 2 calls ... the fact that ... Of course, this is all Ayesha, because I had her on a different night. No, I wanted to move her and she was like, "No, I'm doing this night." The 2 of you together, it's so powerful the way it's interspersed. We're talking about boundaries, we're talking about comfort zones. Before we were on the call, she was like, "I'm out of my comfort zone." We were like, "That's where the magic happens." It's true, you know? All these cliches, they're of the time, you know? I'm thinking of the Rumi quote, he says, "Run from what's comfortable, forget safety, live where you fear to live. Destroy your reputation. Be notorious."
Cherie: Oh, one of my favorites.
Sarah: It's true. Look at the places you're comfortable and run, get out of them. I think for me, you've known me as someone who wants to numb or stay in a pattern. I love hearing you, you do have this very pulled together. You made me feel so safe, for the 2 years or year that we worked together. You never missed a call. I was used to like, no one picking me up at the bus stop. No one feeding me. Here comes a woman, sort of an older mentor role at the time, because I was really immature and under developed. Really terrified. Really like an abandoned dog. By my mother and Tim who left me. He left a week before your wedding. If you're not careful, that will say, "You are unlovable," for the rest of your life. "You're not worth loving. You are not worth committing to."
I was really like something you leave at the SPCA. You never missed a call, you were always there. You never told me I was crazy. I was like, "This woman is so together, like she has arrived. There is not anything out of place." I think that you and I are ... we're sort of like, I'm coming into like, "I sort of like have my shit together." I left the island to grow up. You're kind of in like, "I kind of want to be ravished and unraveled a little bit." I feel you're moving a little bit more into like, "Here's like even more of me." I love that for you, I love that you're ready to go there.
Cherie: Thank you. I think it's part of the wound. To feel like, especially now you're being asked to serve, you've got to help other people. A lot of coaches I know fall into this, "Well, I've got to have the perfect life and all my shit together to do this." That's not true. It's something that I just diverged from some of my training to say, no, I share my stories, I tell my clients what's going on with me. I'm wildly human. One of my favorite teachings from one of my dear teacher's was, "The most spiritual experience is to be utterly human."
Cherie: I mean totally fucking human. All of this is good. My crazy, my moments of, "Oh my god, should I cancel all my calls today because I don't feel on." You know, all of that is utterly the reason we're here. It's so, so spiritual and good. I share that stuff. Now my edge, where I've got to move now, is sharing it more publicly. Like making videos, being onstage. I held back on because that side of my family that was so critical, I'm going to say it because I think ... I never want to talk badly about my dad, but it was my dad. I'm at peace with all of it, I so get how perfect my childhood was with him, how he treated me. He had me decide, I mean I decided, because of his behavior, at a young age that, I would never be like him.
That was very loaded, unconscious commitment. A decision that I made because it meant that I couldn't be powerful. I couldn't be intelligent. I couldn't have money. I couldn't have anything that would represent his showiness and his arrogance. Which just came from a lack of self-worth. I so understand why he was that way now as a grown-up, but I didn't like any of it. That really had me say, "I don't want to be on a stage like a know-it-all. I don't want to have tons of money because that would be showy. I don't want to make anybody feel small, like he made me feel small." That held me back for way too long.
It's gotten in the way of my service. That is not okay.
Sarah: You have ... sorry, what were you saying?
Cherie: I said, I'm moving past it, it's time.
Sarah: Yeah. You have these very elegant pauses. I'm so quick to leap, sorry. You're like, "I take my time." What we're talking about is this walking our talk as people who, you know, you are looked up to. I feel like there's extra pressure from the goddess on women who have a following. You say something, you better be walking it, because I'm watching you and I'll put the fire under you. This realization I had that, while I can stand up for others, I wasn't standing up for myself. Also, when that man said to you, "If you want the fast track to god, go get married and have children." I think Robert Augustus who writes about the divine masculine and intimacy. He says, when people come up to him and say, "I want to evolve, I feel stuck." He said, "Get in an intimate relationship." That's the ashram, the death. I have an ashram down the street, I walk past it, I've gone to ashrams really fleeing my life. Fleeing confrontation. Fleeing who I was and what I've been doing.
You can hide in ashram for the rest of your life. I do call it hiding because the real work is out here. I was recognizing that I could stand up for myself online, I could stand up for the planet. But if somebody was sitting in my living room, crossing my boundaries I would rather just drink 3 glasses of wine and go to bed, than make it an uncomfortable situation. I didn't feel feel comfortable. I felt like there was tape over my mouth and I had to look at where that wound came from. That was the work, the living, breathing work. We can hide behind a screen, but then you're moving onto the stage. That for me, I see the cliff. The screen is like the cliff's edge, if you move past the screen into real life. That's a scary, wonderful. When you say free, I think of all of us just falling.
Just falling through our lives. We fly once in a while, when we take chances like that. When we answer that inner call. You were talking about, in the beginning, how you have really learned how to listen to yourself. I was wondering if a woman came to you and said, "I don't know how to hear myself. What would you say to her?"
Cherie: Oh, that's so good. I would probably step her through the Alignment Principles, the foundation for One Woman Effect. Because that's the stuff that has you become a queen.
Sarah: Well, let's go there.
Cherie: Okay, I think that when you know who you are, is one of the principles. I'll walk through them if we have time. Then you can hear. You become a clear channel. I always talk about, there are these sort of models of the world. We have a choice, we can choose to be in any one of the 4 models. Sometimes we dance around inside them. I'm off the principles for just a sec. This idea that we can choose how we want to move through the world, is also something I would work with her on because ... okay, let me tell you what they are real quick, then you'll see it. One is, "Life happens to me." That's that idea that people walk around and there just kind of a victim. That I'm not responsible for the cards I've been dealt. My situation is to complain and blame and feel powerless.
Most of the people that are in America, in our culture right now, and around the world maybe, live in that. It's safe there. They don't have to take any responsibility. The next model, where one day that gets really old and your sick and tired of being a victim, you take responsibility and you move into, "Life happens by me." By me, means I'm empowered. I'm going to take care of this, I'm going to make stuff happen. You take responsibility, but it's also very masculine and it can be wildly tiring. At some point you say, "I can't do all this, it can't be all up to me." You move into surrender. Where you come into a way of being called, "Life happens through me." It's where you become a channel. I think that model intersects with these alignment principles.
Because when you're a queen, you are a channel. You are a channel for the Shakti, for the divine guidance, for intuition and you can hear. You have to choose it over and over again. You'll find that you've dropped into "life happens to me," by accident. You'll go through the surrender again to get back up there. The fourth one is, "Life happens as me." Which is that ultimate state of oneness that we dip into at a music concert or making love, or meditation. That life happens through me is kind of that magical place, where we're in flow. It's not all up to us and we're in our feminine. That's where I'd guide her. Then these principles, it's what is the foundation for One Woman Effect. I think it's this formula for when you can own and you have it. You understand like, you go through the process of really unpacking each one.
Then you've got a real profound access for the rest of your life to that flow to that intuition. To that never ending energy that's running through us. You can course correct, you can align way beyond the yoga mat or a chiropractor's office. Do you want me to just fly through them real quick.
Sarah: Well, yeah, and don't ... we have like 15 minutes because we started you late. Don't fly, but I have a few more questions I need to ask you, too. Listen to your intuition and if you want to fly through them.
Cherie: Here's what I'll do, there's 8 of them. Instead of flying through them, I'll just say what's most important in order to hear your intuition. Would be probably the first one for sure, because the first one is the gateway for all of the rest. You feel good in your skin. It has everything to do with your body. I think when we're disconnected from our bodies, we're not grounded or we're at war with our bodies, we can't go there. We can't connect to our higher self or hear anything. That's number one. Number 2 is that you identify with your soul. It's being clear about who you are. Remembering who you are. I think when we get disconnected from our intuition, we've forgotten who we are. We're like stepped out of the flow, out of the shakti, we're feeling separate. We're feeling lost and small. We can't hear anymore. All it takes is really, having known it once before that you are god. That you are this unbelievable, powerful being inside.
Who is completely whole. You ask for someone to remind you. I have all kinds of ways that we can remind ourselves. It's just that, once you get reconnected, the faucet turns back on, you know?
Sarah: We know what it feels like when the faucet is off and life is so dry and hard.
Cherie: Oh god, yeah.
Sarah: Yeah. We are not in celebration, how do we get back into celebration?
Cherie: You want me to answer that?
Sarah: Yes, please.
Cherie: Okay, not being in celebration means that somehow that we've forgotten our ultimate purpose, or our reason for being. Ayesha touched on this a bit. That she believes that when we're in joy, when we're just flowing in that, manifesting is like, easy. I think getting back to a place of celebration, if I had to pick what's the shortest route, it's probably gratitude. It's probably the stepping back into a moment of counting your blessings or looking for the good. It sounds so optimistic and easy to do. When your really in despair or depression it's not the easiest thing.
Sarah: It's so hard.
Cherie: I'll tell you what would be my shortcut to that. I've done this for as long as I can remember. I will, when I'm really in the dark, pick up the phone and try to give some love. Some kindness, some kind act. It could be if I'm out, paying for somebody's toll at the bridge, or saying something nice to someone. For me, I get back to gratitude more easily if I'm giving. It's a way to get it quickly out of myself. Then all of the sudden somebody's eyes soften and they're like, "Thank you." You remember who you are.
Sarah: I so agree with that, out of the cage of yourself. You're pain is bigger than anybody else's pain or it's going to kill you. You step out of that cage and your kind to somebody, you give to somebody and it's like the bars dissolve. You're like one with people again. It's that isolation that kills us. That connection.
Cherie: It's the truth. I think as women we need connection more than anything. It's the way we survive. We don't have like big fangs and sharp nails, we can't fight our way to survive. We have to stay in connection. It's why like in our DNA we were in the tribe and we had to be pleasing and do our part. Connect with the sister and the brothers in the tribe or they'd leave us in the middle of the night and we'd get eaten by a tiger. You know? It's the way we know.
Sarah: Basically at some point in your life, you made a choice. Life could either be shit, or it could be that one you believed in as a kid. It was like, full of magic and there was so much more. Do you remember how you made that choice and do you still feel like sometimes you have to remake that choice? How did you make that choice?
Cherie: It was like a repeated choice making and testing and testing and testing. I remember even writing a paper on "Are we good or are we evil?" Continually testing the hypothesis that this thing is the best thing that's ever happened to us, being alive. I think if I had to say where I rested on ultimate decision, when I finally got to place where I said, "Yeah, that side of the family is right." It was probably in a moment when I was about 32? No, 34 maybe. I had already been studying yoga for a really long time. I'd already had so many blessings. I'd already gotten married, I'd already had kids.
So many good things had been happening to me, I was loving my life. I remember sitting there and having a teacher that I deeply respect, scholar of the Sanskrit and tantra, a great being. Tell me, "It's all good. This life is the biggest blessing. You're a blessing." I don't know what it was on that day, he wasn't even my guru, my major big teacher. It was another teacher but somehow, you know how they say, "Enlightenment initiations happen whenever you're ready. Constantly, you're constantly being penetrated." That moment penetrated me and I remember writing down like, 50 exclamation points. Saying, "I knew I was right. I knew it."
I think that was the day that I just, I rested. It was really like, here's the after effect of that. The ripple effect that that caused was up until that time I had still been a major seeker. I'd still been like, "I'll be ready to service if I just take this one more course. One more workshop or one more DVD program." Just self-improvement junkie of all time. I thought it was cool, I called myself, like a student of life. I mean, I really thought it was cool, and it is to some large degree. I have so much love for myself and that student in me, I'll never stop. It was coming from a place of lack. It was coming from a place of "I'm not enough." You know? That was my wound, I'm not enough, but I'm too much. I was too big, I was too shiny, I was all that and I was also not enough.
It was like, "Fuck." I think I had a moment after that, I remember fist in the air going, "When do I get to be calm-face? When do I get to be her?" I was just pissed. I was like, what am I going to wait until I'm 85 and then I get to celebrate? This voice, that I followed to call you, just boomed in me and said, "You already are her. You always have been."
Sarah: I keep having this dream that I, like I'm lying in someone's arms and say like, "I can finally stop because I got to where I've been going." It's like I know from watching my mother die. when she knew she just had a few months left, she would drive 30 miles in a 70 miles along the water. We'd have cars honking behind us, and she'd be like, "They're the fools to rush, we're wise to slow down." She would try to step inside of moments.
Cherie: Love her.
Sarah: She'd be like, remembering. I'm like, "When the fuck am I just going to stop? What am I chasing?" Yeah. I had all these questions to ask you but you just reminded me, I want that feeling of I'm here, I'm home.
Cherie: There's always going to be more, I mean when your love shows up, you're going to open that chapter and it's going to awesome. It's going to be like, "Oh my god, I've been so hungry and thirsty for this." If we hang out waiting on pause until then, augh, that kills.
Sarah: When you said wasting time before, that's when I was like, you knew me when I was downloading like a crazy kundalini wire. I used to write notes, spirit would tell me, it would draw me a diagram. This is what wasting time is, this is what isn't wasting time. Wasting time was, it was like a whole list, like a PowerPoint presentation. You remember how clear I used to be, it was like, worrying, jealousy, it was all this stuff. Rushing is wasting time. All this stuff. Then the things that weren't wasting time would be like, love, forgiveness, joy. There were just a few things that weren't and everything else basically was. We're doing 90% of it, rushing, worrying, anger. All that stuff wasting time. On the right side was, love, forgiveness, joy. Not wasting time, that is not wasting time.
Union, listening. I didn't mean to make this about like when I find that man. It leads me to a question of, a lot of women I know have found that man, did have that baby. Love, you know, have a great job, they have this on paper life and they're like dying inside. What do you say to someone who has it all, but feels like she has nothing?
Cherie: I'd say she's out of alignment. To go through a check, check, check, check of these principles to say, "Where am I off?" It's like what a chiropractor does to our spine. Somewhere in her life, she's out. It could be that everything looks great on paper, but she's not fulfilling her ultimate purpose. Which is number 8, you've got to be fulfilling your ultimate purpose daily. That doesn't mean that you have to have the perfect job. You could have any job and be fulfilling your purpose. You just have to know what that is and have a life set up to allow you to live that. Like Ayesha said she had those 3 things that she had to have in her life in order to be fulfilling her purpose. You've got to know what those things are. They're your core values, you have to be living to your truth.
Sometimes we're just taking care of everybody and being such amazing givers and we've completely fallen into the back burner and we don't know why we're all out of energy and exhausted and unhappy. We may not be fulfilling our desires, which is principle number 5. You have to be fully self-expressed and following your desires. I have people develop these desires lists that, you know, it's all that stuff you said. Would be in the right-hand column. That they aren't prioritizing. That feel like, not a high priority. I say to people, all the stuff that you wish you had more time for, put it on your freaking calendar. I want to see that stuff scheduled like it's a business strategy.
That's the stuff that has you show up like the one woman, who's going to have the effect on everybody around her. Doing the things that keep you in your feminine, that make you happy. I don't know, women are just not, we're so good about taking care of everyone else, that we don't always think that our happiness has a space in the day. It's all right to...
Sarah: You're basically saying our greatest joy is our great purpose here.
Cherie: That is the One Woman Effect. Honestly, if you could just be, and you would just enjoy. That would have every man in your life feel like he'd done his job, whatever partner you're with would feel like, "Okay, I've done my job." My girl is happy. It would have your children be happy because the greatest way to do them a disservice is to be unhappy. It would inspire the rest of the world to actually go for that. I just got back from Italy. Nobody there has a problem with being happy. They know that that's why they're here. That's why they're my people. I don't know why here and in some cultures, we're so busy and all about productivity that we don't think that that's part of the whole point. I think it's the whole point.
Sarah: We're talking about this is all a call about how the feminine is healing the world. You feel so called to be more vulnerable is basically what you're saying. Vulnerability is our great power. Also joy. These are feminine elements. You're talking about an over masculinized culture that we live in, which is go, go, go, do, do, do. Anger, war, separation, competition. You're talking about a very feminine country you were just in. A celebration in joy and juiciness.
Cherie: Where men kiss each other on the cheeks and hold hands and laugh. The men that I work with, too. All the men that I talk to are dying for this, too. They feel way overburdened, they're stressed out. They're dying. They need us, and here we've been all masculinized, all these women who are like, picking up where men leave off. Trying to be everything. Like super independent, we don't need anything, we've got it. Which is so brilliant and amazing that we can do that, but they're like, "Oh my god, we need you, we need your femininity, all of this joy and magic." They're craving it just as much.
Sarah: I started with a quote from Marion Woodman and it was about the feeling of being rocked on the lap of the goddess. The goddess is, for many people with a deep mother wound, like me, like the goddess became my mother for a while before I began self-mothering. You helped me a time, and one of the things that helped me the most, before we go, we only have a few minutes. The part of me that was like freaking out and scared and in her fear. You would say, "Pull her on your lap." We would picture being on a throne. You would help me be on a throne, put a crown on and pull that part of me that was in terror onto my lap. Can you elaborate on that practice a little bit?
Cherie: Yeah, very much. It's a theory a parts theory that suggests that we are made up of multiple parts, personalities. Not in the multiple personality disorder kind of way. We have so many facets, so many sides. What we were doing in our work was having you really identify, it goes back to principle number 2, that you identify with your sole. At your core, the core of you is your highest self, the queen, the goddess. She is all knowing, wise and perfect beyond description right? She's amazing. We forget that and we get all wrapped up in fear which is just a part of us. She's a little girl, we all have her. We all have a perfectionist. We all have a bitch. We all have a rebel, a bad-ass. We've got all these unbelievable sides and I have people, women that I work with name them.
One of the clients that I work with has a part of her that's always beating her down. We call her Agnes. Other people say my higher self, my queen, is Angelina Jolie. It's great to give them names, to personify them to see them. God knows all of our work on women on this call, we've probably meditated and called for that goddess and we've seen her. She's breathtaking. That allows you to really connect with that part of you. Then you can almost separate out the little girl who's taken over the minivan and is trying to steer you into a total collision course. Who's like, "Oh my god, we're not going to make it." You think for a minute that you're her. You forget, but you're not. She's just a part of you that's there to serve you. When you stop and kind of connect in with her and you say, "Honey, what do you want from me?"
From that place. She says, "I just want you to be happy." Or, "I want us to be safe." Or, "I want to feel loved and I'm feeling neglected." There are parts of us that we just completely neglect. I had a bad girl part of me. A wild child that I was neglecting when I first started my business. She went rogue, she came out a one point and said, "We're going to date the bad boy and we're going to go on a wild ride and fuck being so responsible." Holy cow, she took me on the time of my life, but it was also not with a good person. We've got to know these parts, fall in love with them, bring them back in. Sometimes we need to promote them and give them new roles. Sometimes that little girl is running like 1980's software and we need to give her 2015 software and tools to work with.
So she can like, maybe grow up and serve you at a higher level. We're doing all that in deep meditation and in altered states, so you could really rewire at a very deep level.
Sarah: I remember when I would try to pretend she wasn't there, I just wanted her to go away. You would say, "No, no, no, listen to her." She was showing up as my depression. This is back to the joy conversation. That I wasn't in my joy. My depression was trying to say, "Here's what we're tired of. Here's what we're no longer serving. Here's these limiting beliefs that I want you to look at so you can let them go." Whatever the depression was ... I just came through a massive depression, a week long. I feel cleared, I feel like I've been raked over. Matt Kahn calls depression an awakening. Here's what not working, let's look at this.
It was an amazing, brief, dark night to bring a very bright dawn. I'm all for looking at depression as a messenger. You taught me to look at pain as a messenger.
Cherie: Every part of you has a high intention, they all have a very, very high reason for coming to you. They parade around in front of you with sparklers, then rocks, then like little flags and they wake you up in the middle of the night until you pay attention to them. When you get the lesson, you get the high intention from them, they can go back to doing what they were doing.
Sarah: It's like the guy at the door, the UPS guy with the package, you have to open up, let him in, look at the package, sign for it and then he can go. Then you can go back, whatever the message is.
Cherie: Very well said.
Sarah: That's an old metaphor of mine, I just pulled it out of my file. I hate to quote myself, but sometimes you got to. I really do hate it, I'm like ... We've talked about this, kind of throughout the call, but how can the feminine energy, we're really talking about feminine energy. How can it heal and how is it healing the planet?
Cherie: Here's my take on that. I would describe it as the aspect of the feminine that's emerging in the world right now. I don't think we've really been ready for it until now. The tantra tradition that I study, the best way to describe it is, through the form of the Goddess named Lalita. I've talked to you about her, she is the goddess of bliss. In this tradition and so many of us have been talking about Kali, I think a lot of us are familiar with this. The goddesses represent the aspects of us as women, so again, like the parts. We've got all these different aspects that we can awaken to and evoke. They live within us. Lalita is this form within us who is the one that will heal the world. I feel like when she awakens, she is not only known as the goddess of bliss. As we talk about joy and everything, she's that.
She's erotic bliss, she's the erotic union of the divine masculine and the divine feminine. Through their crazy, blissful play, the world comes into being. Without her our world is dying. When she awakens in us, what happens is full empowerment. We fall in love with ourselves and we ultimately come into our spiritual authority. What's so cool, why I'm so in love with her and why I'm trying to constantly embody her. Basically One Woman Effect is all about unleashing her in women. She's a demon slayer, like Kali and like Durga and these other aspects of us that are sword wielding bad-asses. She is so different in that her power is a really soft power. She has ultimately the greatest power.
She's like the woman that I said will take the room every time because she has the most love in her heart. She carries a bow and arrows made of sugar cane and flowers. Through her bliss, through this erotic, unbelievable, oh my god I'm in love with life, she frees us. I think that is ultimately what I think of when we say the Western woman will heal the world. That's the aspect that the world needs right now.
Sarah: Sweet, erotic love.
Cherie: Oh, yes.
Sarah: You're pretty booked up, are you taking one-on-one clients any more? How can people work with you and what facet can they?
Cherie: I will always say yes, right now I'm super full, but I mean it's a moving thing. I will never say no. Yeah, people can work with me one-on-one. Then One Woman Effect live is happening in November. The 12th through the 15th in Sonoma in the wine country in California. There's a big gathering that's happening there, Gail Larsen is going to come and teach original medicine. She's never done it in that capacity before. She only works 4 times a year with just 6 people. This is going to be huge.
Sarah: Wow, what an honor.
Cherie: Such a silly honor. She's been a teacher of of Danielle LaPorte, and Marie Forleo and Gaby Bernstein and she's coming to One Woman Effect. It's going to be amazing.
Sarah: Is that still open? People can still sign up for that?
Cherie: Yeah, actually if you guys want, the priority registration is opening this week and I'm still taking emails to get the word out in a secret way to the people who are really ready. That will open this week and then it will open to the public next week. If anybody wanted to be in on that first wave, they can maybe send me your emails through the coven.
Cherie: I'm on Facebook. One Woman Effect and cheriehealey.com. Onewomaneffect.com or the One Woman Effect on Facebook.
Sarah: Okay. What an honor and thank you so much. I love you and I think I have to work with you again.
Cherie: Oh, honey, we always will, I love you so much.
Sarah: Okay, and thank you so much.
Cherie: Thank you for doing your work.
Sarah: Okay, good night, good night everybody.
Cherie: Good night.