“I looked in the mirror at my new face, it was an older face.
I had been grieving my Maiden for some time, but now she was gone, really gone. This was an older woman’s face, this was close to the face my Mother had when she died at 45.
I looked at the dark circles under my sunken eyes and the lines that ran across the bridge of my nose. I looked at my thin fraying hair and the wrinkles on my hands.
I thought, where did my looks go?
Down Below, I heard her say,
they went down below.”
I believe Inanna calls us down to our Underworld to find our true beauty- our soul.
This is the time when women’s beauty moves from the face to their soul. It’s the time when we become who we truly are. It’s the time when the masks fall away. It’s the time when, if we let it, our vanity is no longer a distraction between us and our purpose, us and a burning world.
It’s the time of the Mother, of Mata, of what matters in our life - in the world- and will matter on our death bed. If we’ve had physical children, we’ve entered a portal of loving someone so deeply our world is completely transformed.
So many women write to me about having to “swallow the bitter pill” of no longer mattering to society-- well it’s a society that’s on its way out and women are re-writing its rules.
I went through a deep journey with Inanna to shed the many masks of the Maiden I wore to protect myself in this world. In my age I’m returning to my roots, and walking toward my ancestors, and I’m now working with Norse Goddess Freya, having returned to my Celtic and Scandanavian roots on my path. She’s a lighter goddess, but while of Love, also of War. And definitely of womanhood, and of Motherhood.
WHY THIS STORY?
So much has changed. I’ve changed with the world, and also with the changes of this Spiritual World.
I can’t offer you “courses” any more.
Part of it always felt wrong, and hierarchal, a structure that belongs to the old paradigm. Part of it always felt like I was offering something you could fail, because that’s what courses were to me, something I could and often did fail.
I just want to tell my story.
Stories are the only thing that have ever really changed me or made me feel seen and less alone.
I have a bigger dream for how I want to offer my story, but you have to start somewhere, and how I’m going to start is by telling of my Mother Passage, my passage into the Archetype of Mother, or the Full Moon of my life. My journey from a Motherless Wounded Maiden into Womanhood.
Coming in January 2019, You will be able to call in with your own stories and questions. But for now it’s a simple seed of a beginning. It’s my story, and maybe, just maybe- yours.
A Peek into the Calls:
Notes from my 39th Summer.
If your upper world is crumbling
If you belong to nothing and
You must go to the Underworld
to Collect your self.
I want to give her the world
But first I must give myself the world.
What would it mean to give myself the world?
I cannot give her what I have not given myself.
Am I a good person, I wondered?
Goddess Answered: Not if you are not good to yourself. You can be good to everyone but yourself and you will still not be a good person. Start with You.
Stop wanting to be someone other than who you are. Stop wanting what you don’t have.
Want your life.
Stop saying “you donʼt look old” to others: it denotes that aging is bad.
Aging is a gift.
Aging is a Privilege.
Aging is Power.
Culture told us both witches
and aging were bad
because both hold so much power.
The Passage into Age,
to Pass into Age/
is to pass into a portal of
Power and Wisdom.
Culture Fears the Power in a Woman so
so Woman fears herself
And Ignores her voice
Which is a Slow death
Kills her self slowly by ignoring her Self to not scare others.
Death so We Fear Age.
But to Look at it Brings the Power, brings the Gift.
The dark Unknown is Where we hear God
To Turn off distractions and listen to silence
is a personal revolution
Life Becomes Precious in Its Ephemerality.
When we realize its Ephemeral Nature We Become Alive,
When we Become Alive we Become Powerful.
You will return to where you came from.
We can save the Earth by remembering her - we belong to her she is our First Mother, the Mother to all. Making us all related. We all came from the Same Womb.
I had to get so lost to seek
For only by seeking could I find myself anew.
I am Remembering Earth in my cells
I HAVE a mother she is a mother to us all
to every plant to every tree to Every woman to every man to every child to my mother and all of the mothers before her she is the Great Mother.
I belong you belong to the earth
to remember that
She gave us everything we need.
But she needs us now, to remember and rise.
Age: when body droops the spirit rises
When the external beauty fades the internal beauty rages.
I have to find a different beauty now-
I have to see my beauty to make it real
This Full Moon of our Lives is the summer of our lives - after this, if we are blessed- Autumn, then Winter.
We can feel Winter now, our winter is coming. So we make the most of this Summer, this Summer of our Lives.
We make the Most of ourselves, of our lives, we become the most Us we’ve ever been. We become ourselves in this Summer of our lives.
The time of Mother is the time of woman in her glory.
The more I deepened into mother
the more I deepened into my own body
and felt the mother as earth
the earth as mother.
I had a sense of belonging I had been searching for my whole life.
The older I got the more I just wanted peace - not power
But peace actually leads to power
Personal peace is Power
To not let the waves of others make waves in your cool eternally deep pond.
Trust the darkness.
In darkness there is light
In the darkness there is Riches.
I had to face my darkness
To face my Light.